"All Alone"

We are born alone.
We live alone.
We die alone.

There's no denying it. No metaphorical speeches. Nothing. We have one brain, we think for ourselves, we do what we must during our life spawn to survive as happily as we can, and then we die.
I've always felt like living the happy coward's life, alone. If I'd always lived alone, people would never have hurted me. I'd be just be a blur in the room. A blur doesn't give a shit.
If I had always been alone. I wouldn't hurt like this. I wouldn't know how to.
But no... Because of being individual creatures, we have this necessity of being with others, because we feel lonely. Being alone without feeling lonely... that's my impossible dream, and it should be everyone's.
Sure, it's running away, but I feel so tempted to do it. For me it's not running away from problems, it's making it impossible to create more of them.
Like every other human, I've lived with people, trying not to be lonely, but I'm sick of it, and I want to get away. I've thought of giving up, but I've been fed with hope. Our real enemy, hope. The hope beautiful stories gives us, that people are great and we're just not amongst the right ones.The hope to keep looking for happiness. The hope that there are people that can actually make everything right. You all know what I mean. I mean love. It all sort of... fails at some point.
At this moment there isn't even a coherent chain of thoughts in my mind, so I'll finish this.
I don't even ask for happiness... I just want peace, and the only way of getting it might just be escaping everyone else.

And a fake smile all over my low quality face

Because yes.

Because fuck this.
Because fuck you.
Because fuck butts?

I just realised I only ever feel like writing anymore when something bad happens. Gosh, that's so darn emo. I might puke, guys. Hold my hair please.

Completely unrelated pic of my face like always. Because yes.

 NOT ENOUGH CAPS LOCK!

Temporarily Closed

I don't feel like writing anymore. Somehow it has lost it's meaning.
So this blog will go on a break*

Forever

Guess what. No really, guess what. WOULD YOU JUST FUCKING GUESS WHAT??
Yep, it's my face again.
(shut up, it's a tiny bit of cleavage, and it made me all happy to see it in the pic, woooo go boobies!)

And yes, of course I'm in a crappy mood again. To tell you the truth I've been thinking alot about Jake. Actually shed a tear to a Kamelot song. Yes, Kamelot. Could be worse I guess... The lyrics really caught me off guard. 


"There's a pain within
That I can't define
There's an empty space
Where our love used to shine
From the night we met
'Till the day we died
Do you think I wished
Do you still believe I tried

All too soon we were divided
And life had just begun

Will you revive from the chaos in my mind
Where we still are bound together
Will you be there waiting by the gates of dawn
When I close my eyes forever

Every breath I take
Brings me closer
Closer to forever, to you
I'm waiting for the day I'm gone"

 ~Forever by Kamelot

Too much to ask for

I keep finding you in my dreams, before you catch the midnight train to the end.
I keep saying goodbye without a sparkle in my eyes, but with tears flowing down my face.
And you keep not answering me while staring blankly at the solid ground.
I want you to stay. I want you to stay forever.
Next time I'll turn back, and I'll lift up your head and stare into your eyes.
Then mine will reflect the sparkle of yours, and my eyes will shine again.
So replace the blank image of the rusty rails at the old station of our lifes with my image, and fill the empty place where I used to have an heart.
I don't want to you go, and I don't want you to stay away.
I beg of you to forever love the soulless girl who understands nothing of life, and can't tell dreams and reality apart.

Kept in wonder

Have you ever been momentarily heart broken? Even if it was just for a few hours, a few minutes, or a glimpse of a moment in which you thought your world was about to crumble down?
That enourmous amount of pain that you feel just for a while, is it normal if a small part of it keeps coming back to haunt you when you're alone?
How long does it take for it to go away?
How long will it take for you to go away?
I'm so sick of everyone going away. 
They really always go away. 
Can I have you just this once?

"Instead of 'Harry, you're a wizard', I'd have to go like 'Linny, you're a cat!'"

I've been able to handle the pain of your loss, I don't break down in tears every time I mention your name, I can actually remember you with a smile on my face and that nostalgic feeling of happy memories. I know it's been awhile now, but it still hurts. But I can take it. You were so much to me once. And I loved the hysterical way you laughed, and how you kept saying your eyes were green in the sun when they were clearly brown, the smile you'd always have on your face when you were mocking me, and how you said men's clothing was a better fit for me. That one time we were in your aunt's house and you trew me in the pool fully clothed, and then remembered I suck at swimming and very unnecessarily came to "rescue" me, despite the fact that I was on the short side of the pool.  And then your brother kicked my ass in Mortal Kombat. And that one time I actually cried, so you hugged me until I stopped and you wouldn't let me go... And I can't let you go. And that last memory I have of you... when I was worried about my Science test and you said I'd have 99%, because 100% would be unfair to the other kids, and weeks after you died, I actually had 99 points. It's proof you're still alive. You'll always be. I love you Jake, but I miss you too much to let you rest in peace.

Tonight the World Dies

So try and love me while you can

And take the time to understand
As long as I can touch your face
You know I'll never leave this place
If only in my mind

Silence all I wanna say
A tendency to run away, I run away
With you tonight
Launder all my sins away
And just like that mistakes are made, you know
Tonight the world dies


~Avenged Sevenfold

(this might just be the emoest shit I've photoshop into my fugly face)

What's an image worth

And so, the soulless girl realized she was no good for photography. She carefully trew the tripod on the bed and picked up her old crappy digital camera, akwardly looking at the image, she pointed it at the dirty mirror in her old childhood bedroom, and then, not slightly worried about how it'd look, she pressed the button, and took yet another, bad picture.

~WickedKitty, no good at so many stuff, there's no second part to this sentence.